M.I.A.

I have been MIA for two weeks now, but I had good reason. For part of it. At least some of it, anyway.

1. I was in Indiana last weekend, and I didn't want post while I was visiting relatives.
2. The new Harry Potter book went on sale last Saturday, and I have been almost unable to put it down since I cracked it open Saturday afternoon. It's good, and it may be the last one. It is much better than the last two books so far, and I only have about 200 pages left to go. If the end is carp, I will be mad. Yes, I meant to type carp. (I think we have talked about this before, it's a James thing)
3. The newest version of guitar hero came out. That's right, guitar hero rocks the 80's is on sale right now, for all you dorks like me. There is nothing wrong with being a little dorky. I admit that I like playing guitar hero, and it is possibly the dorkiest thing I have ever seen. Pretending to play guitar by wielding an itsy-bitsy plastic guitar spells "dorky" in my book. It makes me want to play the real guitar, but unfortunately, I am a musical no-talent schlub. Those of you who have been witness to my fast and loud, yet oddly wretched, drumming will no doubt agree.

A new discovery about myself. I like red wine. I like it a lot lately. Not in a "Hi, my name is John, and I have a problem" sort of way, more like I want to try different types of wine and search for the "perfect" red wine. So far, I am still on the cheap end of the spectrum. The expensive end of the spectrum is a bit too much for me at this point. Until I get a better feel for good wine, buying the really nice stuff for me would be the equivalent of using super-expensive paint on wrinkled noteboook paper.

I will be a more frequent poster once I finish Potter, and once I get bored with the new guitar hero game. Maybe I just need a bit of red wine to bring out my inner author... Nah, I tried that in college and it came out like the emotional blatherings of a basket case. But, the amount of emotion did get me an "A" on every paper that I wrote whilst moderately inebriated, due to the amount of "feeling" that I put into each paper. True story, I am not kidding at all.

Plain white T's

Hey there, Delilah, you make we wanna jump out the window.

Dear radio stations everywhere,

Please stop playing the Delilah song. That horse is dead. Stop kicking it, alright? Thank you.

Enough said...

Carry on...

Smoke up, Stoner!

For the second time since I have lived in this area, I pulled up to a stop light and looked over at the car next to me and saw a high-school aged kid smoking pot. It was 7:45 AM, and this kid was smokin reefer from a pipe that would have made Cheech and Chong proud. It was massive, brightly colored, and probably held a giant pile of doobie. Wacky kids, I tell ya. At least he was a passenger, and not a driver.

On a completely non pot-related topic, I bought the new album from The Smashing Pumpkins that came out today, titled "Zeitgeist". So far, I really dig it. I have pretty much always liked the Pumpkins, and this one is classic Pumpkins. I pre-ordered the album on iTunes, so I got a bunch of other free stuff along with the album, including a few covers of Pumpkin songs by other bands. Pumpkins songs are just not Pumpkin songs without Chamberlain. It just does not work for me at all without the true master on the skins.

Just maybe?

We might move back to Indiana. I will be with the same company, so I will not have to worry about finding a job. More information as it becomes available.

Vacation was great, but it ended too soon. Now we are back to work, and I am ready for my next vacation. We found a really great way to make the drive from Chicago without hitting bad Illinois traffic, and without going the long way around through Indianapolis. It saved us several hours, and also about 140 miles. Good times!

Weekend's here!

I am actually taking a few days off of work, for the first time this year. I have taken a day off here and there, but I am actually being so bold as to string almost five days off together, to form what most people call "vacation". I have not taken much time off at all since December, so I am a tad overdue. I am going to work tomorrow morning a little early, and then I am planning on leaving very early, so I can get a good start on my weekend.

We are actually headed back to Indiana to meet the pregnant woman of our dreams, and to hang out with family. We have been trying to adopt a baby for quite a while now, just short of two years. It seems like the wait is almost over. I really hope this works out for everyone. We have already talked to her on the phone a few times and we get along well, so I think this will be a lot of fun. She seems very nice and I think we would all work together well. I have a feeling that I will be really nervous when I meet her. I really don't want to screw it up and have her think that I am a doofus, even though I am. When I get nervous, I get more chatty. This could be interesting, given my prodigious penchant for talking all the time even when I am completely comfortable. We are actually meeting her for dinner at our favorite pizza place, which is extra funny for me, considering the fact that I have been on a low-carb diet for two weeks now. I foresee a sleepless night in my future. (when you fall way of the wagon on a low-carb diet, you get really hot and sweaty for the next eight to ten hours, it makes sleeping horribly uncomfortable)

Karen and I are very excited to meet her, and we get to see our families during the same weeknd. It doesn't get any better than that, eh? . We are really looking forward to this weekend!

Now, if I can just get out of work really early tomorow, I will be in great shape! I don't want to pass through any semi-big cities (St. Louis) during any of the "rush" hours.

Oops, I crapped my pants. Thank you Alli!

I got this from the Dana's website, and you need to see it. It's about the diet pill Alli, and it is one of the funniest things that I have seen in a long time. Be warned, this is not work-safe, and it talks about poop A LOT.

http://angryaussie.wordpress.com/2007/06/20/miracle-diet-pill-with-teeny-tiny-side-effect/

The horrors of dieting...

I have been running more lately, and I am also on the diet wagon again. Running definitely saved my health, but it has also given me the feeling that I can eat anything in any quantity that I feel like. This has resulted in a slow weight gain over the last two years. I am physicaly fit, healthy as heck, but I am getting a little thick around the middle again. Two years ago, when I got healthy for the first time, I decided that once I crossed the line from a normal healthy weight back into the overweight category (according to the standard BMI charts) that I would get back on the diet wagon again and lose weight. I crossed the line last month, and I didn't magically sink right back under the mark, so I had to get back on the diet wagon. I am 5' 7" tall and therefore officially overweight at 160. I was at 163.5 on Sunday last weekend, so it was definitely time to get after it again. I am back under the mark again, but most of it is probably water loss, so I am going to stick with it for a while. No fries for me, thanks, I'll just have the salad and veggies. I detest dieteing because it makes me feel kinda sad all the time. Please excuse me if I am a tad grouchy or forgetful, I am probably just hungry.

Dookie story and guitar hero geekiness

WARNING - POOP STORY- SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T LIKE POOP STORIES. James was very excited to have company here last weekend, and it really showed. He wanted to show off everything in his life that he is proud of. James is in the end stages of potty training. It took James a lot of encouraging and praise to get him to use the potty when he had to drop a deuce. When he finally used the potty to poop, we were absolutely ecstatic. We hugged and kissed him, we gave him jellybeans, and we danced around like crazy people. We were very, very excited that we didn't have to clean another turd out of his underpants. James knows that he is really doing a good thing when he uses to the potty, and it si very exciting for all of us. On Monday evening, James went to the bathroom and dropped a deuce. James was understandably very excited about what he had just done in the bathroom. James started calling out, "Uncle Chris, come in here! Uncle Chris, come, come in here." Then James started yelling, "OH MAN, BIG POOP! WOW, LOOK AT THAT! BIG POOP!" His voice was brimming with excitement over his potty usage. Uncle Chris told him "That's great, James. I am very proud of you, but I don't think I want to see your poop." James was very understanding, and Karen and I were overcome with the giggles. James was right, it was a big poop, he was right to be proud. My son is cool.



I can play "Monkey Wrench" by the Foo Fighters on the "Expert level" at around 85-90% correct on Guitar Hero 2. I am a very big dork. I am practicing for the next chance I get to play at a guitar hero party. I might have to plan one of my own.

Shiny muffler

Here is my big ol' shiny muffler. Note the tiny pipe leading in from the back, and the huge opening sticking out in the front. Standing behind the car, I think it looks pretty good, and it really makes me laugh. I am actually starting to like Daddy's junk now that it has a little more character. Sound system upgrade is next, followed by motor - as time and money allow. Like I said earlier this week, if I can't do it for cheap, I probably won't do it at all. Craigslist, here I come.

I found a sweet bolt-on supercharger with intercooler for about 2K, so I just need to watch for the right one to pop up on craigslist. :)

When we got the car, we named it Aggie, after the chemical symbol Ag representing silver from the periodic chart of the elements. That name seems a little weird now. Maybe I need to change it to Argentum, instead of the shortened nickname. Nah, I'll stick with "Daddy's junk". That one is much funnier.

James and I were walking into the house after we got done playing with his remote control car, and I asked James what he wanted to do. He looked up at me with a huge grin and said, "Wanna play guitar, Daddy? Quick, take your shoes off! We need to go right now! Hurry up, we gotta go right away! Fast! Fast!" The whole time he was tugging on my hand to get me to sit down and take off my shoes. He makes it very hard to want to go to work in the morning, knowing all of the fun that I am missing out on while I am away.

James and the new tint.

Here is a picture of my freshly pimped ride, complete with the new "so dark they are going to get me arrested" tinted windows. I really love my tinted windows, I just hope I don't have to pull the tint off during a traffic stop while a policeperson watches some day. Next items on the list: nicer stereo if I can do it really cheap followed by nicer motor if I can also do that for cheap.

I just had new tires put on the car two weeks ago. I figured that the installers would be fairly careful about the inflation of the new tires, since tires are their main business. I figured wrong, the tire pressures were as follows: 25, 27, 34, 36. Accoring to the door frame, they are supposed to be 30, 29, 29, 30 - following the same order that I listed the other pressures. (30 in front, 29 in rear)

If you look really closely, you can see that James is actually inside the car. Please note, he is wearing a fairly brightly colored striped shirt, and you almost can't see him.

Work news: I have a trainee. I finally have someone that can be my back-up! I finally have the ability to take real vacations! (and possibly get promoted?) -The really funny part about this story is that I used to have my own office at the Dolton plant, but by the time I left the Dolton plant, I was sharing an office with two other people. Now that I am in Grandview, I am once again sharing the office that I once was the sole occupant of for the last two years. The guy that I am training has no office of his own. He was sharing an office out on the production floor with the supervisors. I was almost sharing my office a little while ago with yet another one on of my coworkers that actually had a single office, but it was really far away from all of the action in the plant. I had a chance at three people in my office again. That would have been funny.

The power of the van is strong with this one...

So far the van has gotten me new tires, a new muffler, and next week I get my windows tinted. If I had known that the van was so powerful, perhaps I would have caved sooner. Maybe I will get the bolt-on supercharger next week, right after the huge wing, mink fur seat covers, neon lights that flash to the beat from the stereo, a bumpin' stereo system, lower suspension, stiff springs, black alloy rims, a body kit, and fancy paint with lots of stickers. I definitely need a lot more stickers. The only stickers I have right now say: "RUN", and "13.1".

Our friends, the Danas, just got a minivan this evening. My condolences to Jason on the passing of his manhood, and my congratulations to Janelle on her new "sweet" ride. :)

To everyone out there who does not have a minivan, we know you are just jealous, go ahead and make fun of us. We know what cool is. Cool is electric doors and seating for seven with a low entry height and decent gas mileage. Awwww yeah...

Contest results and pimpin' my ride

CONTEST RESULTS

Thank you to all of the contestants for name that van! I really liked reading all of them. I have to say that the contest winner, i.e. the one that has the best chance of sticking is (drum roll please...) "The Silver Bullet". It applies for several reasons that I thought were all amusing. (The shot to the machismo, and the fact that it is not fast at all but very mildly resembles the bullet train.) Thank you to everyone who played along.

PIMP MY RIDE

My car, which used to be Karen's car, was in a sad state of neglect. It has needed 4 new tires for five years and a muffler for over a year. The long lead time on the tires was becaused the last set of tires were crap from the moment we got them. They gave very little traction on dry pavement, and none on wet or snowy pavement. They were Cooper Lifeliners, and I guess they were supposed to be decent tires, so maybe I just got a bad set? They were horrible. The muffler has had a gaping hole that has been steadily increasing in size. It was loud, but not horribly loud, so I let it go for a long time. I didn't mind the noise at all. The only reason that I replaced the muffler is that I was worried that the hole in the muffler was possibly directing the exhaust gases into the garage when I left the house. There is an air intake for the furnace from the garage, so it is easily possible to send exhaust into the house. Here's how the story goes:

I got up at 6:20AM to drop the car off at the tire store. I got there in plenty of time to make sure I was first in line so I could get the tires on and make it over to the muffler shop for the noon appointment that Karen made for me. It worked, I dropped off the car, walked home, then walked back at 10:30AM to pick it up when it was done. $500 later, I had a nice new set of tires that stick to the road like glue. Over to the muffler shop I went, right across the street. I dropped the car off and walked home. I went back much later (they finally got started on my car at 4PM) to look over the estimate and sign on the dotted line. They had a standard steel muffler for $85, and a polished stainless steel muffler for $90. I went with the $90 shiny one, street-racer pimp style. My car now has a 3-inch polished-tip exhaust, and it is kinda loud. It is a lot quieter than it was, but it is not as quiet as it was originally with the stock muffler. I think it's hysterical, and Karen thinks I am goofy. I started pimpin' my ride. Karen is getting the windows on Daddy's Junk tinted for Father's Day. I am not kidding at all. I wonder what's next...

Contest time!

It's time to play "Name That Van!" with our silver Honda Odyssey mommy-van.

Please submit your entry for the contest, and I will try to guess which one has the best chance at being permanent after the Memorial Day weekend.

My first two ideas are: "Bessie", due to the size of our massive chariot, and "Oddity", since it is funny and rhymes with the model name.

Any ideas?

The van, oh my...

We worked out the financial bits today, and the final deal is tomorrow. As of Thursday afternoon, we will be van owners. I am overjoyed. (insert sarcasm here) Yay.

The specifics: It is a 2004 Honda Odyssey EX with 25K on it, but it looks like new as far as I can tell. It is freakin' massive. This portly heifer-monster barely fits through the garage doors. We had to mooooove a bunch of stuff out of the way in order to get porky in the stall. It has fancy automatic climate control up front with rear A/C and heat controls in the back. It has keyless power doors on both sides, which is a pretty nice feature for rainy days. It drives nice, and the seats are much better than in the Ford. The stereo, however, is a disappointingly underpowered single disk player, but it has steering wheel controls, so the stereo stays where it is. (The Ford had a nice subwoofer in the trunk, I will miss that.)

The van is silver, exactly like Daddy's junk. We have matching silver "his and hers" Hondas. Barf.

I only have one legitimate complaint, it is not a 4x4. That is the one thing about the Escape that I really dug. It was like carrying a card that says "I am never going to be stuck in the snow, ever." I would like the van a lot more if it had 4WD. As it is, eh, it's Karen's pimpmobile, and hopefully she will love it. I will really enjoy having it on long trips back to Indiana, and it will definitely be nice for carrying visitiors and friends. It gets much better gas mileage than the truck, but it's sheer girth makes me proporionately look like a very small nerdly child driving Momma's big-ol car. I don't have issues with my stature, I just know what I look like.

Overall, I think it is a very nice van, and I think we got a good deal. I really hope Karen likes it. Maybe we will post some pictures tomorrow?

Gotta run, literally.

I am a loser.

I lost the battle. My Ford Escape (yep, it was supposed to be mine) is in someone else's hands right now, being examined for trade-in value, and Karen has a Honda Odyssey sitting in the parking lot where she works. We did not sign any papers yet, but if they give us a decent deal, we will be the sad owners of a minivan. Okay, okay, Karen will be really happy about it, but I will have loads of regret, I still like the truck. I came to this conclusion, we will lose about 3-5K on the deal, but in the end the retained value of the van may still end up being more than that of the Escape. Several years from now, it will all even out, I think... Not really, but it makes me feel better, and the mommy van will make Karen happy. As long as the van is a typical Honda and not a lemon, it could actually be a decent trade, all things considered. We shall see, I guess. We set a limit on what we are willing to spend, and I hope we will be able to stay there. Honestly, we will stay there or the Escape is coming home again tomorrow.

She better play nice from here on out, and she better get me something nice for our anniversary too... I get to have the next car! Waah!

I am thinking about a Subaru WRX for my next car... It will probably change, since it will be years before it happens, but that is the car I lke today. All wheel drive, decent motor, decent cargo space, and decent gas mileage.

You can run, but you can't hide... from your lack of sleep?

The next time you get less than three hours of sleep, it's a bad idea to go running. Conversely, if you know you are going to run the next day, try to get a decent night's rest. I stayed up until 2:15 or so talking to Karen, then got up at 5:05 to go running with Jason. Actually I tried to run with Jason, but it was more like I labored along intensely while Jason jogged very slowly to keep pace with me. I was a little off my game to say the least, actually it was easily the hardest/worst day of running I have ever had. Next time, I'll just let Jason go out on his own so he doesn't have to barely shuffle along to keep pace with me, or perhaps I'll get more sleep. It took me almost five miles to get loosened up enough to be able to jog anywhere near my normal meandering pace, and it hurt almost every step of the way. Just say no.

Other fun news - Karen has begun her next wave of tactics to try to get me to agree that we need a van. She told me that I must have be thinking about getting a van a lot to be able to talk to her about it so easily. All of this stems from the fact that she said she wanted to trade in "daddy's junk", and I said that the gas mileage was better and the repair costs lower for the junk than for the truck. She is resorting to subliminal messaging, and the jedi mind tricks, I think. I must be thinking about it, so I must agree soon. You are getting very sleepy, vans are good for your garage Obi-Wan. Come to the dark side of the dealership, it is you dessstiny.

(Thank you, Scottie for the inspiration!)

"Shrek the Third" and "Worlds of Fun"

It was a busy day. We started out our Saturday with a visit to Worlds of Fun, our local amusement park, for the Caravan Ingredients (the place that I work for) annual picnic. We had a blast, hanging out with the Dana clan and riding on all of the kiddie rides. One funny note, we (the parents) had to expain to the boys (Darren and James) that you can not hug each other while you are walking, or you will end up with skinned knees. James and Darren tried to walk and hug at the same time and ended up falling over and getting mild knee boo-boos.

James passed out cold in the car on the way home, immediately after we left the park. As soon as we got home, it became nap time for all of us. Post-nap, we ate a quick dinner and headed off to go see "Shrek the Third". It's funny, just like the first two. In fact, the whole movie is just like the first two. It's not new any more, but it is still entertaining. James loved it, but I don't think he understood many of the jokes. Somehow, being scared about being a father for the first time is not something he can really relate to. If you're a Shrek fan, go see it, you'll like it. The little Dronkeys (Dragon + Donkey) are very cute, as are the little Shreklings.

More on the van story: I still really don't want one, and Karen still really does. I think we should drive our cars until they become either unsafe, unreliable, or more expensive to repair than replace. Karen wants a van, regardless of what she currently drives, and thinks that we need a van for a family that may one day require two car seats and two adults. I am still hoping this minivan craving passes, but I think Karen may resort to using more "jedi mind tricks" on me to win this battle. She tried it once, but I didn't fall for it. I am not kidding at all, she really did. Ask her about it.

VW Eurovans are pretty cool, I must say. I really wonder why they aren't being imported any more. They aren't 40K, as Karen suggested in an earlier comment, they are in the same range as most of the other foreign vans. I also like the Toyota Sienna and the Honda Odyssey as well. Karen likes the Mazda 5, but I think it is kinda like buying the teenager's version of the minivan. The Mazda 5 is kinda tiny, and fairly inexpensive. It makes me think "pop can" when I see it. I think I say this because I currently drive the original "pop can, teenager-mobile" -my old Honda Civic. The new Civics are not in the same category, by the way... There's nothing wrong with it, but a seven year old Civic with a pile of miles and a couple of dings is definitely not your average "thirty-something year old's" car. I even taught James to refer to my car as "Daddy's junk". Every time James sees a silver car, he points and says "Daddy's junk!" Whenever James hears a car that needs a muffler, or even one of those funny "tuner cars" with the loud exhaust, he does the same thing, since my car has needed a muffler for almost a year.

At bedtime, just a few moments ago, James kicked Karen. Not a nice thing for a little boy to do. James apologized to Karen and gave her the requisite kisses afterward. Karen was trying to tell James that it hurts when you kick people so that he would not kick people any more. She was trying to explain it to him by having him recall one of his own boo-boos, and then she was going to tell him that it hurts when you kick people, just like your boo-boo did. It didn't turn out quite like it was originally intended, she said, "James, do you remember when you hurt your knee?", and he said "I no hug Darren while I walking any more, Mommy." At this point I fell over laughing. I couldn't help it, it was funny. I think any chance at a lesson was pretty much lost to my inability to control myself.

Since I have already written a novel, I might as well go the Forrest Gump route, and keep on talking. Here's the running update. I did 13.5 miles last weekend, and I am going for 18 tomorrow, starting at 5:30AM. Movie quote time: "I'm not right, in the head." I am looking forward to tomorrow's run. I really dig the long runs when the weather is nice. They are a lot easier than the short, fast ones during the week. I am still working on picking out my next race. Karen and I will probably be running in the "popcorn panic" at the annual Popcorn festival in Valparaiso, this fall. Orville Redenbacher was originally from Valparaiso, as seen in the commercials, in very fine print. They still have the festival every year, even though the operations have pulled out of Valparaiso, and Orville is long since dead. After the "panic" run is over, I am hoping to do a full marathon, possibly in New York, with Karen's Uncle.

Slacker!

I have been slacking on the posting a bit. Here is the next installment of pure unadulterated blogging bliss!

Karen has been working on me for a while about getting a minivan. (several months of pointing and sending me links to carmax) So, when I was having trouble thinking of a good present for Mother's day, I was actually considering buying a van. What the heck was I thinking?!?! Please, share your thoughts on this one. Should I commit testicular suicide, and get the van, or should I put my foot down quietly and pray she decides against it???

Karen read this post already, and told me, "What's the difference, you don't need your testiculars anyhow?" I am not sure what testiculars are, but it's a funny word, so I quoted it.

Please keep in mind that I am of the opinion that when it comes to my garage, there are no such things as "cool minivans". I like other people's vans, I just don't want one in my garage.

Post-race wrap-up

We (my brother-in-law Dave Clark, my uncle-in-law Bill Carpenter, and I) finished the race, upright, under our own power, and smiling. We all had a great time, and I would definitely recommend the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon race to anyone. It was a great course, the volunteers and the spectators were really fantastic, and the race was very well organized. I also must note that there are NO HILLS on the course to speak of.

Special thanks to Dave, Jamie, and Neil Clark for hosting the weekend's festivities, even though Neil had just gone through surgery two days before the race. (His last surgery! YAY!) You guys are awesome. I also want to say thanks to Bill for running along with me during the race. Long races are much easier when you have someone to talk to. Thanks again!

It was really great to see everyone (Kuglers, Clarks, Carpenters, and Kowalskis) last weekend, and we miss you guys a bunch. We hope to see all of you again soon. Our door is always open if anyone wants to visit us out here in Kansas City. I mean that in the figurative and literal sense. We often forget to lock the doors. :)

On the road again...

FIVE DAYS LEFT UNTIL RACE DAY!!!! -Only three days of work left this week.

I went running last night and I found that 6.5 miles now feels like a somewhat easy night. That is just plain weird. I am glad the "long run" training is over for a few weeks. I don't plan on doing anything over 14 miles for the next few weeks. I think my legs need a little break after the race coming up this weekend. Speaking of the race, I really want to get started. Actually, I really can't wait to see everyone in Indy again! I think the race is going to be a blast as well. I have heard great things about the Indianapolis Mini, that it is a whole lot of fun, that there are live bands and cheering fans all over the place. I still haven't decided if I am going to drink the free beer along the race course, or if I am going to wait until I am done running to have a beer, or perhaps I should say that when it is over, I may have some beersh...

I am hoping my somewhat embarassing, recurring "intestinal issues" do not occur during the race. For some reason, my intestines think it is time to "get to work" on some morning jogs. I don't really want to spend part of my race in a port-a-potty. One morning, while running with my friend Jason, we were forced to turn a planned 15 mile run into an 18 miler in order to get to a rest stop. The fastest way to get to a bathroom that day was to keep going a bit farther from home, and I knew I was not going to make it all the way back home without, shall I say, "major" problems.