In the name of the Father...

Last night, James and I were getting ready to go to sleep. I was playing the, "What is this?" game with him. I would point to a part of him, and he would tell me what I was pointing to. I point to his nose, and he said, "nose". I pointed to his ear, and he said "ear". I pointed to his lips, and he said "lips". I pointed to his teeth, and he said "teeth", but when I pointed to his forehead, he said "Father". He then said, "Father, Son, Spirit, Amen, now eat!"

I thought that was awesome. It's not just a forehead to him, it's Father. It certainly made me smile.

-He also told me later that it was his forehead-Father.

I am 17 again...

It's done. I installed the amplifier in my car, along with the subwoofer box. I now have a beatbox car again. The amplifier is the same one that I bought when I was in high school. It was in my friend Scottie's car for a few years, but he gave it back. Now I am using it again. It is really old and probably not as strong as it once was, but it works. It really makes me laugh when I drive my econo-box teenager mobile, thumpity-thumping away, with my loud muffler and my dark tinted windows. I feel like I am 17 again, except I can legally buy alcohol now.

Completely unrelated - I got carded tonight at Olive Garden when I asked for a glass of wine with my dinner.

Pimping my ride, garage sale style. (DORK WARNING)

I bought a speaker box with a functioning speaker in it for ten bucks at a garage sale. I had the amplifier in the basement from high school. All that was left was to go out and buy some power cables for the amplifier and some speaker wires. I found out that, sadly, the wires were going to be the most expensive part of my car stereo. I spent 50 bucks for some stinkin' wires. If it saves me from burning down my junk, it is worth the 50 bones. I just feel stupid spending that much money on a few pieces of copper wire.

Installation should take place some time next week, I think... I just have to figure out a way to control the amp without running an extra set of wires through the car. I want to be able to play the radio without the amp when James is in the car. Maybe I will just put a big circuit breaker in the trunk???

Yep, I am king dork.

You have got to see this, really.

For those of you who ever went to Showbiz Pizza, or Chuck E. Cheese, this may be one of the sweetest things ever to grace YouTube. The guy did a bunch of other songs as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFVfelCJozo



Wow.

James the comic.

I tickle James a lot. His grin and his laughter are some of the most wonderful things I have ever witnessed. James was in the midst of being tickled for the umpteenth time by me, his father, when he decided that he had enough. This is exactly how it happened:

Fish: "I'm going to tickle you!"

James: "No Daddy, hee-hee, hee-hee"

Fish: "I'm gonna get you!"

James: "Run away!

Fish: "I got you, now I tickle! A-haaa!"

James: " No Daddy, no tickle. Knock it off, Lunchbox."





I have to say, it really worked. I stopped tickling him immediately. We both sat on the floor and laughed instead.

Computer fun!

Our computer has been crazy for a while now, and Karen has been mad at it (and me on occasion) quite frequently due to the computer's latest "new features". One of the old features is the "magic power button" that only works well for John, and "magically" makes Karen very mad. The PC needs a new power supply, it takes about 12 hours to warm up enough to actually let you turn the computer on. The power supply has actually been trying to poop out for many months. You normally have to tap the power button about ten times to get it to turn on, even when the power supply has had sufficient 12 hour or more warm-up time. The latest feature that it self-installed was the "magic shutdown timer". Last week, the processor was apparently overheating due to lack of air flow. It would run fine for about ten or fifteen minutes, then shut off abruptly. No warning, no error message, just abrupt silence and darkness. You had to use some pretty good time-management skills to get your mail, send your replies, check the weather, and download your pictures before the system shut off abruptly. Once we figured out (wild-guessed) that it really was an over-heating problem, I took the computer apart and removed what looked like a fuzzy grey squirrel living in amongst the internal bits. (James had a blast helping me take it apart and put it back together. I now need to hide all screwdrivers from James, so he doesn't dismantle the PC while I am sleeping.) Once I removed the squirrel, I had to wait the obligatory twelve hours for the "magic power button" to become operational again. James was the one who discovered that the computer was working again this morning since he punched the button and it fired right up for him, and he said "DADDY, I FIXED THE PAPUTER! DADDY I FIXED IT! THE PAPUTER IS FIXED, YAYYY!" James has apparently uninstalled the "magic shutdown timer" since he was the one who announced that he had fixed it. Thank you, buddy, for fixing the paputer. I am still wondering what the next feature will be. The PC is starting to remind me of my old cars, they used to let you me know I needed to add oil by turning on the reminder light that said "check engine" every 1,000 miles or so, since they leaked like they had been shot.

Karen is getting a new computer (A sweet little MacBook!!) for her birthday. (I already told her that she is getting the new computer because I was afraid that she was going to get really mad at the one we already have and go out and buy a new one before her new one actually arrived, in cthe event that the PC had some really fun new features up its sleeve.)

M.I.A.

I have been MIA for two weeks now, but I had good reason. For part of it. At least some of it, anyway.

1. I was in Indiana last weekend, and I didn't want post while I was visiting relatives.
2. The new Harry Potter book went on sale last Saturday, and I have been almost unable to put it down since I cracked it open Saturday afternoon. It's good, and it may be the last one. It is much better than the last two books so far, and I only have about 200 pages left to go. If the end is carp, I will be mad. Yes, I meant to type carp. (I think we have talked about this before, it's a James thing)
3. The newest version of guitar hero came out. That's right, guitar hero rocks the 80's is on sale right now, for all you dorks like me. There is nothing wrong with being a little dorky. I admit that I like playing guitar hero, and it is possibly the dorkiest thing I have ever seen. Pretending to play guitar by wielding an itsy-bitsy plastic guitar spells "dorky" in my book. It makes me want to play the real guitar, but unfortunately, I am a musical no-talent schlub. Those of you who have been witness to my fast and loud, yet oddly wretched, drumming will no doubt agree.

A new discovery about myself. I like red wine. I like it a lot lately. Not in a "Hi, my name is John, and I have a problem" sort of way, more like I want to try different types of wine and search for the "perfect" red wine. So far, I am still on the cheap end of the spectrum. The expensive end of the spectrum is a bit too much for me at this point. Until I get a better feel for good wine, buying the really nice stuff for me would be the equivalent of using super-expensive paint on wrinkled noteboook paper.

I will be a more frequent poster once I finish Potter, and once I get bored with the new guitar hero game. Maybe I just need a bit of red wine to bring out my inner author... Nah, I tried that in college and it came out like the emotional blatherings of a basket case. But, the amount of emotion did get me an "A" on every paper that I wrote whilst moderately inebriated, due to the amount of "feeling" that I put into each paper. True story, I am not kidding at all.

Plain white T's

Hey there, Delilah, you make we wanna jump out the window.

Dear radio stations everywhere,

Please stop playing the Delilah song. That horse is dead. Stop kicking it, alright? Thank you.

Enough said...

Carry on...

Smoke up, Stoner!

For the second time since I have lived in this area, I pulled up to a stop light and looked over at the car next to me and saw a high-school aged kid smoking pot. It was 7:45 AM, and this kid was smokin reefer from a pipe that would have made Cheech and Chong proud. It was massive, brightly colored, and probably held a giant pile of doobie. Wacky kids, I tell ya. At least he was a passenger, and not a driver.

On a completely non pot-related topic, I bought the new album from The Smashing Pumpkins that came out today, titled "Zeitgeist". So far, I really dig it. I have pretty much always liked the Pumpkins, and this one is classic Pumpkins. I pre-ordered the album on iTunes, so I got a bunch of other free stuff along with the album, including a few covers of Pumpkin songs by other bands. Pumpkins songs are just not Pumpkin songs without Chamberlain. It just does not work for me at all without the true master on the skins.

Just maybe?

We might move back to Indiana. I will be with the same company, so I will not have to worry about finding a job. More information as it becomes available.

Vacation was great, but it ended too soon. Now we are back to work, and I am ready for my next vacation. We found a really great way to make the drive from Chicago without hitting bad Illinois traffic, and without going the long way around through Indianapolis. It saved us several hours, and also about 140 miles. Good times!

Weekend's here!

I am actually taking a few days off of work, for the first time this year. I have taken a day off here and there, but I am actually being so bold as to string almost five days off together, to form what most people call "vacation". I have not taken much time off at all since December, so I am a tad overdue. I am going to work tomorrow morning a little early, and then I am planning on leaving very early, so I can get a good start on my weekend.

We are actually headed back to Indiana to meet the pregnant woman of our dreams, and to hang out with family. We have been trying to adopt a baby for quite a while now, just short of two years. It seems like the wait is almost over. I really hope this works out for everyone. We have already talked to her on the phone a few times and we get along well, so I think this will be a lot of fun. She seems very nice and I think we would all work together well. I have a feeling that I will be really nervous when I meet her. I really don't want to screw it up and have her think that I am a doofus, even though I am. When I get nervous, I get more chatty. This could be interesting, given my prodigious penchant for talking all the time even when I am completely comfortable. We are actually meeting her for dinner at our favorite pizza place, which is extra funny for me, considering the fact that I have been on a low-carb diet for two weeks now. I foresee a sleepless night in my future. (when you fall way of the wagon on a low-carb diet, you get really hot and sweaty for the next eight to ten hours, it makes sleeping horribly uncomfortable)

Karen and I are very excited to meet her, and we get to see our families during the same weeknd. It doesn't get any better than that, eh? . We are really looking forward to this weekend!

Now, if I can just get out of work really early tomorow, I will be in great shape! I don't want to pass through any semi-big cities (St. Louis) during any of the "rush" hours.

Oops, I crapped my pants. Thank you Alli!

I got this from the Dana's website, and you need to see it. It's about the diet pill Alli, and it is one of the funniest things that I have seen in a long time. Be warned, this is not work-safe, and it talks about poop A LOT.

http://angryaussie.wordpress.com/2007/06/20/miracle-diet-pill-with-teeny-tiny-side-effect/

The horrors of dieting...

I have been running more lately, and I am also on the diet wagon again. Running definitely saved my health, but it has also given me the feeling that I can eat anything in any quantity that I feel like. This has resulted in a slow weight gain over the last two years. I am physicaly fit, healthy as heck, but I am getting a little thick around the middle again. Two years ago, when I got healthy for the first time, I decided that once I crossed the line from a normal healthy weight back into the overweight category (according to the standard BMI charts) that I would get back on the diet wagon again and lose weight. I crossed the line last month, and I didn't magically sink right back under the mark, so I had to get back on the diet wagon. I am 5' 7" tall and therefore officially overweight at 160. I was at 163.5 on Sunday last weekend, so it was definitely time to get after it again. I am back under the mark again, but most of it is probably water loss, so I am going to stick with it for a while. No fries for me, thanks, I'll just have the salad and veggies. I detest dieteing because it makes me feel kinda sad all the time. Please excuse me if I am a tad grouchy or forgetful, I am probably just hungry.

Dookie story and guitar hero geekiness

WARNING - POOP STORY- SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T LIKE POOP STORIES. James was very excited to have company here last weekend, and it really showed. He wanted to show off everything in his life that he is proud of. James is in the end stages of potty training. It took James a lot of encouraging and praise to get him to use the potty when he had to drop a deuce. When he finally used the potty to poop, we were absolutely ecstatic. We hugged and kissed him, we gave him jellybeans, and we danced around like crazy people. We were very, very excited that we didn't have to clean another turd out of his underpants. James knows that he is really doing a good thing when he uses to the potty, and it si very exciting for all of us. On Monday evening, James went to the bathroom and dropped a deuce. James was understandably very excited about what he had just done in the bathroom. James started calling out, "Uncle Chris, come in here! Uncle Chris, come, come in here." Then James started yelling, "OH MAN, BIG POOP! WOW, LOOK AT THAT! BIG POOP!" His voice was brimming with excitement over his potty usage. Uncle Chris told him "That's great, James. I am very proud of you, but I don't think I want to see your poop." James was very understanding, and Karen and I were overcome with the giggles. James was right, it was a big poop, he was right to be proud. My son is cool.



I can play "Monkey Wrench" by the Foo Fighters on the "Expert level" at around 85-90% correct on Guitar Hero 2. I am a very big dork. I am practicing for the next chance I get to play at a guitar hero party. I might have to plan one of my own.

Shiny muffler

Here is my big ol' shiny muffler. Note the tiny pipe leading in from the back, and the huge opening sticking out in the front. Standing behind the car, I think it looks pretty good, and it really makes me laugh. I am actually starting to like Daddy's junk now that it has a little more character. Sound system upgrade is next, followed by motor - as time and money allow. Like I said earlier this week, if I can't do it for cheap, I probably won't do it at all. Craigslist, here I come.

I found a sweet bolt-on supercharger with intercooler for about 2K, so I just need to watch for the right one to pop up on craigslist. :)

When we got the car, we named it Aggie, after the chemical symbol Ag representing silver from the periodic chart of the elements. That name seems a little weird now. Maybe I need to change it to Argentum, instead of the shortened nickname. Nah, I'll stick with "Daddy's junk". That one is much funnier.

James and I were walking into the house after we got done playing with his remote control car, and I asked James what he wanted to do. He looked up at me with a huge grin and said, "Wanna play guitar, Daddy? Quick, take your shoes off! We need to go right now! Hurry up, we gotta go right away! Fast! Fast!" The whole time he was tugging on my hand to get me to sit down and take off my shoes. He makes it very hard to want to go to work in the morning, knowing all of the fun that I am missing out on while I am away.

James and the new tint.

Here is a picture of my freshly pimped ride, complete with the new "so dark they are going to get me arrested" tinted windows. I really love my tinted windows, I just hope I don't have to pull the tint off during a traffic stop while a policeperson watches some day. Next items on the list: nicer stereo if I can do it really cheap followed by nicer motor if I can also do that for cheap.

I just had new tires put on the car two weeks ago. I figured that the installers would be fairly careful about the inflation of the new tires, since tires are their main business. I figured wrong, the tire pressures were as follows: 25, 27, 34, 36. Accoring to the door frame, they are supposed to be 30, 29, 29, 30 - following the same order that I listed the other pressures. (30 in front, 29 in rear)

If you look really closely, you can see that James is actually inside the car. Please note, he is wearing a fairly brightly colored striped shirt, and you almost can't see him.

Work news: I have a trainee. I finally have someone that can be my back-up! I finally have the ability to take real vacations! (and possibly get promoted?) -The really funny part about this story is that I used to have my own office at the Dolton plant, but by the time I left the Dolton plant, I was sharing an office with two other people. Now that I am in Grandview, I am once again sharing the office that I once was the sole occupant of for the last two years. The guy that I am training has no office of his own. He was sharing an office out on the production floor with the supervisors. I was almost sharing my office a little while ago with yet another one on of my coworkers that actually had a single office, but it was really far away from all of the action in the plant. I had a chance at three people in my office again. That would have been funny.

The power of the van is strong with this one...

So far the van has gotten me new tires, a new muffler, and next week I get my windows tinted. If I had known that the van was so powerful, perhaps I would have caved sooner. Maybe I will get the bolt-on supercharger next week, right after the huge wing, mink fur seat covers, neon lights that flash to the beat from the stereo, a bumpin' stereo system, lower suspension, stiff springs, black alloy rims, a body kit, and fancy paint with lots of stickers. I definitely need a lot more stickers. The only stickers I have right now say: "RUN", and "13.1".

Our friends, the Danas, just got a minivan this evening. My condolences to Jason on the passing of his manhood, and my congratulations to Janelle on her new "sweet" ride. :)

To everyone out there who does not have a minivan, we know you are just jealous, go ahead and make fun of us. We know what cool is. Cool is electric doors and seating for seven with a low entry height and decent gas mileage. Awwww yeah...

Contest results and pimpin' my ride

CONTEST RESULTS

Thank you to all of the contestants for name that van! I really liked reading all of them. I have to say that the contest winner, i.e. the one that has the best chance of sticking is (drum roll please...) "The Silver Bullet". It applies for several reasons that I thought were all amusing. (The shot to the machismo, and the fact that it is not fast at all but very mildly resembles the bullet train.) Thank you to everyone who played along.

PIMP MY RIDE

My car, which used to be Karen's car, was in a sad state of neglect. It has needed 4 new tires for five years and a muffler for over a year. The long lead time on the tires was becaused the last set of tires were crap from the moment we got them. They gave very little traction on dry pavement, and none on wet or snowy pavement. They were Cooper Lifeliners, and I guess they were supposed to be decent tires, so maybe I just got a bad set? They were horrible. The muffler has had a gaping hole that has been steadily increasing in size. It was loud, but not horribly loud, so I let it go for a long time. I didn't mind the noise at all. The only reason that I replaced the muffler is that I was worried that the hole in the muffler was possibly directing the exhaust gases into the garage when I left the house. There is an air intake for the furnace from the garage, so it is easily possible to send exhaust into the house. Here's how the story goes:

I got up at 6:20AM to drop the car off at the tire store. I got there in plenty of time to make sure I was first in line so I could get the tires on and make it over to the muffler shop for the noon appointment that Karen made for me. It worked, I dropped off the car, walked home, then walked back at 10:30AM to pick it up when it was done. $500 later, I had a nice new set of tires that stick to the road like glue. Over to the muffler shop I went, right across the street. I dropped the car off and walked home. I went back much later (they finally got started on my car at 4PM) to look over the estimate and sign on the dotted line. They had a standard steel muffler for $85, and a polished stainless steel muffler for $90. I went with the $90 shiny one, street-racer pimp style. My car now has a 3-inch polished-tip exhaust, and it is kinda loud. It is a lot quieter than it was, but it is not as quiet as it was originally with the stock muffler. I think it's hysterical, and Karen thinks I am goofy. I started pimpin' my ride. Karen is getting the windows on Daddy's Junk tinted for Father's Day. I am not kidding at all. I wonder what's next...

Contest time!

It's time to play "Name That Van!" with our silver Honda Odyssey mommy-van.

Please submit your entry for the contest, and I will try to guess which one has the best chance at being permanent after the Memorial Day weekend.

My first two ideas are: "Bessie", due to the size of our massive chariot, and "Oddity", since it is funny and rhymes with the model name.

Any ideas?

The van, oh my...

We worked out the financial bits today, and the final deal is tomorrow. As of Thursday afternoon, we will be van owners. I am overjoyed. (insert sarcasm here) Yay.

The specifics: It is a 2004 Honda Odyssey EX with 25K on it, but it looks like new as far as I can tell. It is freakin' massive. This portly heifer-monster barely fits through the garage doors. We had to mooooove a bunch of stuff out of the way in order to get porky in the stall. It has fancy automatic climate control up front with rear A/C and heat controls in the back. It has keyless power doors on both sides, which is a pretty nice feature for rainy days. It drives nice, and the seats are much better than in the Ford. The stereo, however, is a disappointingly underpowered single disk player, but it has steering wheel controls, so the stereo stays where it is. (The Ford had a nice subwoofer in the trunk, I will miss that.)

The van is silver, exactly like Daddy's junk. We have matching silver "his and hers" Hondas. Barf.

I only have one legitimate complaint, it is not a 4x4. That is the one thing about the Escape that I really dug. It was like carrying a card that says "I am never going to be stuck in the snow, ever." I would like the van a lot more if it had 4WD. As it is, eh, it's Karen's pimpmobile, and hopefully she will love it. I will really enjoy having it on long trips back to Indiana, and it will definitely be nice for carrying visitiors and friends. It gets much better gas mileage than the truck, but it's sheer girth makes me proporionately look like a very small nerdly child driving Momma's big-ol car. I don't have issues with my stature, I just know what I look like.

Overall, I think it is a very nice van, and I think we got a good deal. I really hope Karen likes it. Maybe we will post some pictures tomorrow?

Gotta run, literally.